Free with Purchase.

I am a little divided as to the idea of the “thank you freebie” that seems to be becoming a standard of small mail order businesses.

At work, we really deck that shit out like a birthday gift- fitting given that the name of the company is “I’m Your Present”. I’ve always liked ordering records from labels and being showered with free stickers and pins as soon as you wrench open the first corner of your package. Sometimes, free stuff is reason enough to order something (or, in the case of cigarette companies, good enough to sign up for their mailing list and receive coupons for Camel Crushes for the next millennium… I guess the free cigarette case and pin-up girl matches were worth it.)

But I’ve been noticing that, sometimes, freebies are just another piece of shit that I don’t want and that I didn’t ask for but now, I have to find something to do with. Nothing says, “thanks for your money” like “Here’s a dopey pair of earrings that I don’t want and am foisting off on you.”

So, it is with that trepidation that I have given deep and sustained thought to the idea of my packaging and just what, if anything, I should include. Originally, I wanted to stumble upon a bag of woven friendship bracelets. So far, that has yet to pan out. A couple times I have supplemented a package with some sort of around-the-studio trinket that was related to whatever the purchase was. I’ve found that boardwalk arcade prizes work well but I can only pump so many quarters into the skeeball machines so often.

But today, ah! today. It was sunny and one of the first warm days of the year and I found myself walking away from the recycling center with a box full of these guys:

Prize ribbons! Of all kinds!

So, next time your order something, clear off a space on your bulletin board for a little ribbon-y memento of honor. Even if it says 4th or 5th place, you are still number 1 in my book!


Maybe number 2 if you ask a lot of annoying questions.


One thought on “Free with Purchase.

  1. […] •All the Validation You Can Buy for A Dollar! […]

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