Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas, dear friends!

This year, I really wanted to get you a video of Allan Sherman singing his parody version of the Twelve Days of Christmas.

But. Alas. I could not find a good one.

So, instead, enjoy this video of Allan Sherman’s The Painless Dentist

And then go read the lyrics to The Twelve Days of Christmas quietly to yourself.

On the first day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A Japanese transistor radio.

On the second day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

 (It's a Nakashuma.)

On the third day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
 (It's the Mark IV model. That's the one that's discontinued.)

On the fourth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

 (And it comes in a Leatherette case with holes in it. So you could listen right
 through the case.)

On the fifth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A statue of a lady with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.
 (And it has a wire with a thing on one end that you could stick in your ear, an
d a thing on the other end that you can't stick anywhere because it's bent.)

On the sixth day of Christmas,
My true love gave to me,
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
And all that other stuff,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

 [Continue until . . . ]

On the twelfth day of Christmas,
Although it may seem strange;
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
I'm going to exchange:
An automatic vegetable slicer that works when you see it on television but not w
hen you get it home,
A chromium combination manicure scissors and cigarette lighter,
A pair of teakwood shower clogs,
An indoor plastic birdbath,
A pink satin pillow that says ``San Diego'' with fringe all around it,
A hammered aluminum nutcracker,
A statue of a lady with a clock where her stomach ought to be,
A simulated alligator wallet,
A calendar book with the name of my insurance man,
Green polka dot pajamas,
And a Japanese transistor radio.

It's kind of like snow. Kind of.

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