Focused Like A God Damn Laser.

Or, I am trying.


what the inside of my head feels like, all the time.

My ability to focus seems to be trailing further and further behind me in my daily life. My fervent work ethic, my type-a advantage, my singularly-minded attention: all fainter and fainter whispers traveling to me from an increasingly distant past. I’m getting older, my body hurts, I sat on the couch all night with the dog, and I’ll be damned if I can keep my intentions and actions straight.

It’s becoming a problem. I’ll start one thing, go “Oh!”, move to that other idea, punctuate that with another exclamation, do something else, and continue this cycle for hours. At the end of the day or week or month, I am surrounded by so many half-done things. Their half-done-ness causes a rising feeling of panic. That panic, the cheekily characterized little devil, is packing a whip, just for me- some good, old fashioned, self-flagellation.  “Gawd. I work so much but I can’t get anything done. Nothing! I work all the time. ALL. THE. TIME. But still, I have so very little of coherence to show for it. Obviously, this is because I am a shitty person who is also stupid. Stupid and talking to themselves while they type… probably mouthing along, too. God. What a terrible person.

This can’t be my life anymore. That thing about working smarter, not harder? It’s probably true.

So, after reading a post on habit development by Sarai M. over at the Colette Sewing Blog, I’ve decided that, in addition to constantly refining my lived environment, my possessions, my style, my goddamn living room: the craphole thorn in my side! – I must also refine my work habits and refining my work habits means learning to sustain my focus. And sustaining my focus means DOING FEWER THINGS. What a revelation. E=MC AWESOME.

Thus, to improve business, instead of rushing to change branding and packaging and a website and advertising and one million trillion other things to work on, I’m going to choose, like, 2 WITH CARE projects to work on each month. That’s it. 2. But in exchange, those 2 things will be really, really well done. Sure, other fiddily little things will probably sneak in (a la all that resin currently setting up on my bench as we speak) but I’m really looking forward to allowing myself the mental space and time to be devoted to working out ideas, putting them through their paces, and ending each month with something pretty amazing.

My sketchbook is lousy with ideas, pages all starting to fall out and over written to a pulp. I’ve sat myself down a spent entire Mad Men episodes banging out ideas. In a way, I feel like I’m giving back to the state of New Jersey. Look! I’m using my education that you gave me! Thanks, Garden State public school system. Tonight, I reinstalled my wireless printer/scanner. This month’s objective will require some of both and this is the first step to getting it done. I feel good. I feel good, good, good.

Hands up, who has adult on-set ADD?


2 thoughts on “Focused Like A God Damn Laser.

  1. mom says:

    Genetics. Sorry!

  2. Amy says:

    I have adhd and it is truely a bitch. I am so glad that someone else is going through the same thing. After a while you feel like your crazy and lazy and just no good.
    What I have found is that, if I get excited about one type of project, BANG IT OUT (even if its like 20). Do as many of that as you can, let your brain rest, and then work on other things.

    I get spells of doing speciality items it gets in my way, so I have to find a way to make it work for me.

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